the space between a man and a woman...
authors throughout the centuries have tossed their heads back with pen in hand, trying to find words outside of themselves and their limited natural set of vocabulary to describe in poetry, prose, and structured form what a man and woman share. a baffling dynamic of relationship unparalleled and not seen in any other realm in nature. here are some thoughts i've been chewing in some categories that i have been contemplating through experience.
language >< a timelessly validated truth: men and women speak separate (wholly 'other') dialects. and in the intersection of the 'other', one's confident labeling of the world is completely shown to be folly. yes, it's this way with people who speak the same human language (i mean national language... english, german, etc.). but, what a quest to learn the language of the 'other' -- when the other speaks a different dialect, yes, but a different human language as well! somehow there is a deeper reality of connection evidenced in the relationship between a man and a woman-- a spirituality quietly present... like the undertones in a great soundtrack. (i have been loving my iPod soundtrack musica lately... it's the music undergirding real life epic in the mundane of the everyday i think.) this dilemna of language is actually a beautiful, unchosen, unsaught, but needed dive into mystery. and mystery is what the world needs more of, i believe.
ownership >< i have read the words of Anthony De Mello in 'A Way to Love' and Paulo Cuehlo in his 'Eleven Minutes' and my heart has sprung with a 'yes' in agreement. learning this category of relationship in the earthyness of practical life validates its reality even more. love and ownership cannot coexist. they are functional opposites and completely nullify each other-- they cancel each other out. where there is ownership, there is control and love's greatest characteristic is freedom. Paulo Cuehlo poses through the lips of his character Maria: 'all my life, i thought of love as some kind of voluntary enslavement. Well, that's a lie. freedom only exists when love is present. the person who gives him or herself wholly, the person who feels freest, is the person who loves wholeheartedly. and the person who loes wholeheartedly feels free. but what am I saying? ... i am convinced that no one loses anyone, becuase no one owns anyone. that is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.' I AM NOT experiencing love right now, but in the intersection of experience with a man, i am discovering this truth to be personally validated in a deeper place.
attachment >< the previous category overlaps with this one. attachment differs however, in the sense where-- ownership NAMES the other as their own, when attachment slaps a giant glued label onto their forehead with vigor. attachment has an element of labeling... like the dog tags in airports. attachment implies also the other kind of dog-string :) --> a leash... a limitation on what the other will experience and a limitation on what the self will experience too. a dear dear dear friend opened my eyes to a certain picasso painting that hangs in her flat. the painting shows a child with a bird in an opened hand --> the very symbol of what men and women need in their relationship with one another (Henri Nouwen's book 'With Open Hands' takes that theme/symbol to a few places of thought also...). to welcome the other into one's hand but then to not clench the other-- but to allow the other to breathe more freely and openly in the safety and warmth of the hand-- to allow the other to enjoy the peace of common space and time.
time and space >< i love how time and space are such ignored realities. i was in conversation with an'other' who was saying that he played futbol as a child and always was kept out of the game (this was before he found his guitar... :)...) but how he knew that that experience taught him without his conscious knowing, the reality of life's tensions ... the 'fight', if you will. i remarked that i love such opportunities. i love giving such opportunities to children also... exposure without a firm categorization on the experience that is realized at a later point in the personal development process. i love how time and space make way for life to develop on it's natural, most relaxed pace. i have made a fist at the flow of time, but now, my hand sits open, ready for it's steady trickle to drip through my fingers.
hmmm... in summary, i am grateful for the unseen truths around us that we do not recognize. i pose a challenge. why don't we, adults who are out of university and are in different stages of personal development, really SEE these categories?! let's really see them and name them as they are ... and in the seeing and naming, let's invite a deeper freedom to show its face in our own faces as we look into the eyes of the other <-- whoever 'the other' is in our lives. <-- and whatever level of relationship they share with us.
posted by )(( hannah mello ))( @ 4:45 AM
15 Comments:
Hannah,
Powerfull thoughts, and a very powerfull image! I think the fear is that if you name these spaces then you own up to the fact that you don't under stand the "other" quite as well as you thought.
Scotty
Hannah-
You are my deep heart of a friend who says what I can only dream of saying....you bring to life the words that are hidden in my soul but haven't been given flight yet. I'll have time to email you in the AM and I look forward to it with baited breath. hugs. c:)
1. Whats strange is that though there is indeed a language of the "other" between men and women, once you have agreed to speak into each other's worlds, after some time, you actually do develop a language that is "other" to everyone else except the two of you. Perhaps, though, the longevity of the relationship will prove to always be revealing a deeper language you must always be learning, so you can love them as you discover them and their words more fully.
2. i agree with this concept so completely, only because i have "owned" and tried to "own" so many times... i strive to be without any sort of ownership anymore. i wonder what i means in the context of being "one" with someone in marriage?
3. its amazes me how often i am being reminded to breathe. but no one is squeezing me very tightly, except myself.
4. time and space are such forceful elements that can't be stopped: our own need to be like the creator makes us fight against these things, i think.
your imagery of an open hand is brilliant and well timed for me, dear friend. a few books have been recommended to me on that subject. "With Open Hands" and "Adam" by Nouwen.
Ridiculous.
Mountain love from B'licious...
But seriously, indeed, we beings are from different planets (Mars and Venus, et. al), and I appreciate you beginning to identify those chasms we need to continue to bridge together.
After having dinner with Bruce a few weeks ago I mentioned an interest in checking in on your journey.....after only having a short time to check your most recent prose I find myself at a loss for words.
Your thoughts on ownership and attachement also hold true for having children...too often parents hold them so close and shelter them from everything outside the "hand". I think we are all too familiar with the results of that approach with raising children. Its the analogy of the child reaching for the stove...we can make every effort possible to keep them safe...but so many of the important lessons in life are learned through our mistakes.
Great thoughts! I look forward to catching up on a few months of your travels....
Doug
Dear Hannah,
keep your hand open!
I miss you.
I felt I had to tell you that as I happened upon your page, I was watching a show on the discovery channel about Pompeii and how Vesuvius would affect Napoli and the whole bay if it errupted today.
And hey, you live there.
(and I've been there)
Ok the special-ness stops there.
Thank you!
[url=http://hcfcqubo.com/yhqk/ulnz.html]My homepage[/url] | [url=http://zbieiemg.com/tvds/npzr.html]Cool site[/url]
Great work!
http://hcfcqubo.com/yhqk/ulnz.html | http://wiwjyirg.com/pikz/ybgl.html
[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonoutletsvip.com/]www.louisvuittonoutletsvip.com[/url][/b] A really great getting backpack, wristlet, satchel or or attache scenario, high leather-based is authentic cloth and in addition compound or maybe naff isn Frankly, don returning leather-based selling prices all by way of pleather! Employed for being surpasses the regular chat after i observed a cheap-looking Prada compound lug travelling bag why then retailed more than $400. Dedication beneficial as to what designer purse was a limited "Prada" corporation emblem as a result of the entrance. tinkerpis1988blog0313..
Opt for your Lv designer bag with go well with volume based on loading the quantity of things. If a shorter vacation time and carrying a tiny level of items, the small volume of the Bag would be the proper option. For those who possess the vacation time very long, or need to to hold alongside camping products, the big amount of the Bag would be the right alternative, and the increase your bag convey far more plug-in.
[b][url=http://www.uggbootswebsite.co.uk/]www.uggbootswebsite.co.uk[/url][/b] We do hope you might have a good time with all the item. In small business and even wheeled rucksacks absolutely really are a beloved carrier desire, designed for training, travel also usual implement. Eradicate thick heaps to deliver, just retrieve the particular practice, in addition to pull away.
This elegant hat box is crafted in iconic Monogram canvas and purely natural cowhide reinforcements over a timber construction. Using a size of 15.7" x seven.1", it includes a cabin dimensions capability in your important hats selection. It features a tight-fitted and secure sealed golden bras closure,Louis Vuitton knockoff and an adjustable leather-based strap.
[b][url=http://www.bestlouisvuittonsalestore.com/]louis vuitton salelouis vuitton clearance[/url][/b] Luella made a considerable outcome into your world of trend making use of its luxurious designer Luella hand bags, that will many of us love a whole lot. This distinct travelling bag provides various other flavoring towards the blend of the standard Luella bag (your Gisele). #louis vuitton replicas#Your Luella Luca Haircalf Travelling bag contributes a certain amount of sophistication with this particular haircalf looked after bag and also provides a bit sparkle as well as exhilarating though using the grommet and accurate stud depth.
[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsu.co.uk/]Louis Vuitton UK Handbags[/url][/b] Out of the entire assortment, the actual LV Damier Azur Swift thirty crafted the most essential impact vogue in it's 2006 launch. It may be noticed about renowned persons for instance Hillary Duff, Jane Kate (affiliated with Olsen recognition), also to Byoncee by way of the next yr. The fantastic thing about this specific provider might be the ethereal feeling it translates into, the place it truly is colors plan generally can take this strong, heavy-looking products along with brightens it up.
In 1854, he launched the business that is going to turn into a throughout the world manner icon. By 1885, the corporate experienced opened its very first shop in London. He released a line of modern touring trunks, and his patterns soon grew to become the topics of popular imitation-a pattern that continues even today.
[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsoutlet.ca/]www.louisvuittonhandbagsoutlet.ca[/url][/b] As I stated before, researchers have found that around 50 p.c of your distinctions in our personalities are linked to our genes. Any parent recognizes that some children are born using a sunny disposition, physical gracefulness, or even a thirst for learning many others, even from the exact same loved ones, simply just weren Youngsters exhibit a individuality early on that may essentially be explained by their upbringing. (I can listen to every father or mother out there heaving a large sigh of reduction.).
Hello. Facebook takes a [url=http://www.freecasinobonus.gd]casino bonus[/url] gamble on 888 casino deal: Facebook is expanding its efforts to present real-money gaming to millions of British users after announcing a grapple with with the online gambling proprietorship 888 Holdings.And Bye.
[url=http://orderamoxicillin.webs.com/]can you buy amoxicillin over the counter
[/url] buy amoxicillin capsules bp 250 mg
buy amoxicillin antibiotic online uk
amoxicillin 500 mg every 6 hours
[url=http://ciproxin.webs.com/]buy ciprofloxacin[/url] cipro buy online
buy ciprofloxacin tablets
buy ciprofloxacin (cipro)
[url=http://casodex-bicalutamide.webs.com/]Bikalutamid
[/url] Bictamid
purchase Casodex
buying generic Casodex
[url=http://longchampsoldesk.deviantart.com/journal/]sac longchamp[/url] I kept my milk and the "horns" in the same bag as my lunch! I tucked the bottles in there, Purchase Vogue Mulberry Men Classic Tote Bag Black,2013 Mulberry Factory Shop York hot sale online. too, empty or full. The ice packs kept it all cold enough together. I had cleaning wipes and a hands-free bra in the Medela, along with the tubing and a couple of spare parts..
[url=http://longchamppasche.ucoz.com/blog]longchamp soldes[/url] Nonetheless, a great product can still be shunned. The more that Tseng negotiated, and jumped all over the place, the less interested the guys became. The fact that he was Highly Appreciated Mulberry Women's Bayswater Trimming Oxford & Leather Tote Bag Black overly confident and somewhat obnoxious was a deal breaker for all but one. The Fed pattern of providing ample liquidity resulted in the investor perception of put protection on asset prices. Investors increasingly believed that in a crisis or downturn, the Fed would step in and inject liquidity until the problem got better. Invariably, the Fed did so each time, and the perception became firmly embedded in asset pricing in the form of higher valuation, narrower credit spreads, and excess risk taking.
[url=http://longchampmoinse.zoints.com/blog]sacs longchamps[/url] A lot of designer handbags look good and are fashion symbols because of their price, but if you'd rather have a bag that's reasonably priced but still turns heads, Zara bags are for you. Even if you've heard of them before and weren't impressed with their New Arrival Mulberry Women's Bayswater For 13 MacBook Light Coffee Bag sale online for most reputable famous people designs, you should check them out again. Because they release so many new handbags each year, they're going to release something that's absolutely perfect for at least a couple of your outfits.. Get high quality famous Burberry brand products have always been a dream for many people. Burberry replica handbags in general include superior calfskin natural leather identical with apparatus bits. The Burberry brand makes quite a large selection of watches, including some with metal or precious metal wrist bands..
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home