Sketches of an Apprentice...
There’s something really powerful about the idea of living out what you care about and have deeply learned and been taught.
The idea is powerful alone.
...But then... when you start to DO it, wow. That's really something. So many movies are based on the wonder of that... Good Will Hunting, Casablanca, Sergent York, Spiderman, Gladiator...
Living out what you care about and have learned could maybe be broken down as:
- living out of the well that has been dug inside—the well of identity and one's unique planted-in dreams—and then
- channeling that through piping-- be that the conduit of vocation or skills or relationships, whatever—that have been constructed by experiences, challenges, etc—and then
- watching that well water spill from those outlets (skills @ work, conversations in relationship, intersections with strangers) and what it produces. >>
not just the ah-ha of satisfaction/joy/gratitude, but
the authentic connections,
the truly good work,
the long-lasting investments.
((And, definitely all that does not
((
...That’s the kind of life I want to live, and it’s the sort of life I find myself engaged with at this present time....
Context:
Nothing one says is out of context. That’s what makes humans far more complex than any other creature and yet, paradoxically, predictable at times.
THIS IS NOT the context of over-spiritualization/romanticism of life. Ugh. Don't want that. This isn't a preoccupation with moralism and do-good-ing for a "clean conscience". No way. Don't want to live in a small fishbowl. ...
This idea-chewing context has a component of intentional integration. What the hell does that mean? :0)
Well, basically, there's a context that's rooted in my story. I’ve had chunks of time where I have operated in distinctly disparate roles (job-wise, totem pole-wise) and social circles (socio-economic, cultural, mentalities/worldviews).
The last chunk of that just ended. I just got back from living 2 years in Europe , Italia (anything but culturally nebulous culture), not talking a ton (having to use an unfamiliar language) and being not as extroverted as I am in my country of origin.
In summary, now is the necessary season of life for me to be my pior to pre-, pre- and post- Italia selves in one. Why am I writing about this? Sounds pretty personal. Sure, it is, but--
Integration. We all want it. For all our roles and facets of identity to coalesce, to interact, to compliment each other. Sure, we don’t have to be flat/monotone-living people that are at the same frequency in every role we find ourselves—but instead being versatile in self-expression. Chameleon-like in the best sense: having the same form, substance, just a tad different shade to fit the context appropriately and unobtrusively.
Dictionary.com says “coalesce” means “to grow together or into one body, to unite as to form one mass, community, etc., to cause to unite in one body”.
Sounds good. Being one person regardless of role changes or movement. Sounds healthy and right. Hard to do though, when we keep evolving… but our core is a constant, right?
Misnomer Disclaimer
Ok, you want to write this all off and tuck it away since I’m in that 20-something life-stage where everything is “more complicated then it should be” and “decisions are blown larger than at any other time along the way in life”. Sure, I’m a 20-something. That’s true of me. I admit it. But, I commit to this kind of introspection longterm.
You want to write all this off saying that I’m one of those hippy-children that are ooey-spiritual and just all-around emotional. Ok, maybe I tend to be more of an abstract than a linear thinker, and yep, I do care about spiritual orientation. That’s true of me. I admit it. But, I guess I'm not looking for anything other than rich life and true meaning that's rooted in reality. Rooted in reality. A big ask, I guess... :0)
Well, I commit to ask the hard questions along the way. Why? To drive myself crazy? To feel the weight always? Because of some masochistic or narcissistic preoccupation? A need to wrestle? I hope not! :0) read on…
Anaology: Living Life like a Mosaicist
Maybe it’s the draw to be a mosaicist. Dictionary.com says that’s the name for “a person who works in mosaic”. Taking the broken and edgy bits (often alone seemingly insignificant, odd, not valuable, even ugly) from the everyday and carefully seeing them, putting them alongside each other (allowing them to compliment each other, challenge each other and bring out a new angle to life that their individual pieces could not… kind of like a Chuck Close painting), and keeping them / treasuring them as a whole art piece.
Context: Apprenticeship
Also, I feel like the right-now way of life for me stems from an overarching state of being an Apprentice. Our culture’s obsessed with the Educational model. Input input input in preparation for optimum output.
In those years of leadership training in college, I picked up Henri Nouwen’s book “Creative Ministry” which talks about a less linear approach of knowledge gain and wise practice: Ethos and Praxis like corresponding strides. The concept brings to mind the model of the Apprentice versus the Student.
Historically, because of supply/demand needs and the rhythm of communities, people were apprentices. Often at a young age, you began working alongside an expert in a particular field. They gave you tasks based on your skill ability, which became more and more consequential and complex as learning developed. You received pointers and cautions from their eye which was always assisting, always guiding/directing, and yet leaving you to be the worker/the craftsman /the owner of the task. ((Man, I could chew on that role in those very real historical settings, and its dynamics for hours… so fascinating.))
So, here I find myself craving not that above way, but the American Educational model of choice. I crave exclusive input. Grad school. Mentorship. The “learning” world according to the Educational model of passive accretion, solely cerebreal and emotional engagement, talking in hypotheticals and case studies and what-ifs. Nevertheless, Nevertheless, I find myself not in the Educational setting, but the Apprenticeship setting. And, if I’m honest, although I crave the Educational model—The Apprenticeship position is far superior in terms of take-away, harvest, and consequence. I choose to be what I am... I am an apprentice.
I am receiving instructional pointers while putting every ounce of gained insight (past as well as right-now-received) into active projects that are being built and developed on demand. The urgency of applying learning received heightens the senses, attunes the mind, and solidifies at a fast pace new ways of thinking and interacting in worlds.
I’m an apprentice in the field of publishing / technology / social media / cultural pulse. I am an apprentice in leadership / entourage / delegation / submitting. The list could extend to the spheres of character (since I do care about receiving and always welcoming input about how I can grow in virtue-- not not not for moralism, but for the sake of life at its fullest and richest) and relationship (since I am accountable to my family and friends on how I am respecting them and treating them with value).
The loop back…
In effect, the world changes with every shift in thinking. Not to say that the reality is relative, but rather, I believe, thinking determines how much of reality you are in fact taking in holistically and with sensorial sensitivity or not.
Ah, to think big and wide-- to think with integration* (all of life being ONE STORY,
not the story of here and the story of there existing side-by-side—but
all of life and all of identity being one and the same.
Colorful and full of complexity, but ONE DEAL.
One mass of intersecting lessons and challenges that are moving in one direction…)
Ha, I’m may not be a humanist, but I love our humanity.
posted by )(( hannah mello ))( @ 7:08 PM
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