)(( hannah mello ))(

The Young <&> The 85

Some of us will recognize this old-school
Optical Illusion image.

The young OR The old woman--
depending on what catches your eye
first & immediately.

I literally did a science faire project on Optical Illusions.
Sixth grade, I think it was.
I'm pretty sure this image was a part of it. :)

I'm not blogging about Optical Illusions.
I'm blogging about The young & The 85.
Not the young & the restless. :)
The young & the old.

BESS (CALIFORNIA):
_________________

My junior year of college, I took an elective:
"Adulthood & Aging"-- an upper division psyc class with the infamous and now-beloved Cindy Fitzgerald. No, I wasn't a psyc major. It was a just-because move.

Since I was a wee-thing, my mom always would talk about the difference it can make to
learn from history. To
learn from the experienced. To
listen and learn.

I guess taking that class that semester was a step towards learning.
Learning from others' histories--
learning from the aged and experienced at living--
to listen, as it turned out,
and then, in turn, learn.

As a part of the class, we read books about looking at the whole of life from the end of it.

Looking at the whole of life from a backwards perspective...

Like Kevin Kline says in "Life as a House": "Hindsight. It's like foresight without a future."

What values do the elderly maintain or wish they had... what is most valuable in retrospect. And, for our final project, we interviewed an elder of choice about their life and choices, adventures and tragedies. My professor introduced me to Bess Blodget. She was 93.

Over a period of a month, Bess became a world to me.

Instead of a brief 2 hours together as required, we met week after week after week-- sitting in her canvas-filled kitchen, surrounded by works of art she had made and was in the process of making. Her eyesight, almost completely gone, due to the terrible workings of cataracts, but her voice, although shaky, was clear and full of so much to say.

She told me stories of her divorce,
in an age where divorce was an unspeakable.
And she left HIM.
She told me stories of living in Asia--
of adventuring into temples &
talking with monks &
spiritual seeking
in an age where women didn't see and experience these things alone.
She told me stories of great love--
her second husband and their intellectual and
emotional give-and-take--
him grabbing her ass and asking for a kiss
every single time she walked by
up until his death.
She told me stories of dream houses &
South American living--
of bearing children
of now-grown-up grandchildren
of cleaning out fish
of crying
of laughing...
She told me stories
and She gave me a painting.

The last time I saw Bess, she gave me a watercolor she had done. A mountain ridge tree-line at sunset. It sparked memory
-- of a lyric that means a lot to me: a song by Bebo Norman called "Deeper Still"
-- and a vision of the sunset over the Santa Cruz mountains where I grew up, where I grew into a young woman.

I compiled Bess' story into a book.
I presented snippets to my class that semester.
I still have cassette tapes of our talks.
Her painting is stored away, along with most of my possessions.
Bess will NEVER be forgotten.
She taught me about what living could be.

Beside me literally sits my professor's current business card.
I went back on my university campus a month ago and discovered dear Prof Fitz had returned from sabbatical. And she gave me Bess' nursing home number. It's scrawled on the back.


MARIA VITTORIA (ITALIA):
________________________

The reason why I have Prof Fitz's number is because I met a certain Italian woman this past year: Maria Vittoria. Prof Fitz wants to share her story with this next semester of "Adulthood & Aging" learners...

Maria Vittoria. Age 83. She was "my student" in Modena, Italia. I "taught her English" to help keep her mind active. That was my purpose according to her. :) She had studied English for 60 years. 60 YEARS. Our "lessons" consisted of her writing, in English, her life stories-- for me to edit and compile.

Growing up in a family with opportunity.
Living & loving & barely surviving through World War II.
Being mischievous--
Pulling pranks on her adult-age friends as an adult.
Teaching ballet for 30 years.
Outliving a marriage that was less-than what she had hoped.
Her gorgeous children.
All her athletic feats.
Her countless paintings, mosaics, and sketches from the whole of her life.
And then-- not only being invited into her story-- but being invited into her life!
Tea time on a Saturday.
A family meal with her daughter and son-in-law and grandson on a Sunday.
Housecalls.
Hospital calls... when her heart started to fail.

But Maria Vittoria stays alive and well in her little Modenese abode. Still painting. Still missing teaching ballet & dancing herself. (I posted photos from her life-- 1/2 way through this blog I wrote months ago...)


THE OLD and the LEARNED?:
________________________

What I love and miss about living in Italia is the elderly always being in the mix of daily life. Even MORE SO than the young and the restless. :)

The elderly being more active-- on bicycles.
The elderly being more social-- in the piazzas.

But, I remember, a certain stream of conversations with my Italian/British housemate Sofia. Sofia is the type that is not quick to believe a seeming "wisdom" or smooth ideas. As Voltaire once said, "A witty saying proves nothing." Sofia agreed. And Sofia also agreed that being old doesn't mean being wise.

She watched my fascination with the elderly. Loving to photograph them unannounced. Wondering about their stories & adventures. Wishing I could hear their thoughts about life.

She thoughtfully said, on these several occasions, in different ways--
AGE DOES NOT NECESSARILY BRING WISDOM.
Although I didn't want to believe her, I soon saw it to be true... I experienced it. It all started with an experience with a cold-hearted and cruel nun.

So, that grain-of-salt being sown,


????????????????????????????:
________________________

I remember the film "Before Sunrise". Such a great one. In it, Ethan Hawk's character talks about our "innate set-points" as people. He says that studies were done of chronically miserable people winning the lottery -- parallel to chronically happy people experiencing tragedy (handicapping accidents, disasters, etc). After 1 YEAR, the 1st group were now miserable rich people, and the 2nd group were now happy devastated people. ... a thought... a thought...

Julie Delpy's character also retells this experience:
"I had worked for this old man and once he told me that he had spent his whole life thinking about his career and his work. And he was fifty-two and it suddenly struck him that he had never really given anything of himself. His life was for no one and nothing. He was almost crying saying that."

A couple more quotes-- a bit of a rabbit trail--
on the subject of the whole of life,
for thought, for thought:

• "Everybody's parents f--ed them up. Rich kids parents gave them too much. Poor kids, not enough. You know, too much attention, not enough attention. They either left them or they stuck around and taught them the wrong things."

• "I don't know, I think that if I could just accept the fact that my life is supposed to be difficult. You know, that's what to be expected, then I might not get so pissed-off about it and I'll just be glad when something nice happens."

and from the sequel "Before Sunset":

• "Maybe what I'm saying is, is the world might be evolving the way a person evolves. Right? Like, I mean, me for example. Am I getting worse? Am I improving? I don't know. When I was younger, I was healthier, but I was, uh, whacked with insecurity, you know? Now I'm older and my problems are deeper, but I'm more equipped to handle them."

• "Memories are wonderful things, if you don't have to deal with the past."

SO THEN......:
___________

Where does this leave us?

Wrestling in the in-between.
Time & Timelessness.
Age & Childlikeness.

Someone once said: "Maturity is moving from thin skin and a hard heart to thick skin and a soft heart."

and a word from a Jewish Carpenter:
"Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves."

FROM MISS 85:
_____________

Supposedly a quote from
an 85 year old Kentuckian by the name of Nadine Stair--
whoever she may or may not be.
(I like it though nonetheless.)

"If I had to live my life over--
I'd dare to make more mistakes next time.
I'd relax, I would limber up.
I would be sillier than I have been this trip.
I would take fewer things seriously.
I would take more chances.

I would climb more mountains and swim more rivers.
I would eat more ice cream and less beans.
I would perhaps have more actual troubles,
but have fewer imaginary ones.

You see, I'm one of those people who live
sensibly and sanely hour after hour,
day after day.

Oh, I've had my moments,
And, if I had to do over again,
I'd have more of them.
In fact, I'd try to have nothing else.
Just moments, one after another,
instead of living so many years ahead of each day.

I've been one of those people who never goes anywhere
without a thermometer, a hot water bottle, a raincoat and a parachute.
If I had to do it again, I would travel lighter than I have.

If I had my life to live over,
I would start barefoot earlier in the spring
and stay that way later in the fall.
I would go to more dances.
I would ride more merry-go-rounds.
I would pick more daisies."


SO......:
______

Cheers to the young and the 85--
the inexperienced and the weathered--
and
Cheers to the challenge of
becoming & then being
one who is 85 and wise.

posted by )(( hannah mello ))( @ 9:35 PM