The Hard Choice.
((if you're viewing this on Facebook, you might want to go to www.hannahmello.blogspot.com...the formating's hard to read... it's easier in its original form. :)...))
Only we know.
Sometimes awareness evolves, and sometimes it happens upon us in a rare moment of quiet
or when we're left to our thoughts...
But we know.
and only WE know.
1. It's the moment when all looks THE SAME on the outside but something bigger/deeper/underneath is happening at the same time.
2. We may be at our peak, our best, our climax-- just beginning to enter into the sweet spot of the earned/worked-up-to, gained. Be that career, be that relational, be that situational.
3. But instead of that sweet spot being SWEET, inside, WE KNOW, we know that the comfort of the GOOD is only one side of the coin.
Hence, a choice. 2 sides. 2 sides of a coin.
- evolution on the same "sweet" trajectory
- a settling into roles, rhythms, and lifestyle rhyme
Sounds great, right? IT IS. But the other side of the coin...
- the evolution isn't necessarily movement towards
- the settling is comfortable but maybe could
- the harvest is real, yes, and enjoyment/ac
presents a slough of problems...
- the potential launching / hurling ourselves into the Unknown yet again
- fears of not finding a "sweet" spot again, let alone a sweeter spot
- a potentially deep sadness in losing the joy of receiving true/real acceptance, opportunity, and affirmation (from peopl
- a great sense of loss
- No one will know the difference
- We'll evolve and settle and e
- (We'd like to leave it at that.)
- Everyone will know what we left
- We'll move towards what our internal compass truly cares about (be that expression, family/relationships, change and agents of change)
- We'll put off settling just one step or two more until we're truly where we ultimately want to be
- We'll not just enjoy/acknowledge the "sweet" spot(s), but truly taste the comb-mined honey of all we've picked up and invested in. (Kind of like honey bees...ha-->
h
oneystomachs." >> after they do, they go back to the hive and hand-off their nectar for honey to be made to feed themselves and all the colony: "In one year, a colony of bees eats between 120 and 200 pounds of honey." <Source>The bee doesn't just enjoy their travel and food, but it STORES for its future and for contribution...
1. The Enchanted Forest: Pilgrim's Progress by John Bunyan
In Bunyan's allegory, the pilgrim is walking with his friend (whose name is Hope, symbolically), and they both almost fall asleep in a beautiful stretch of land as they're traveling towards the end goal. They remember what a wise shepherd said to them (warning them previously on the road) and successfully struggle to keep each other awake (literally telling each other stories of why they started traveling in the first place.
2. Leaving The Shire; Leaving Rivendell: Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
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totally valid question / angle / argument:
"So, what if I don't give a f--- about determining what's 'BEST' or what "my deepest self" wants or whatever else. Sounds like a lot of introspection and navel-gazing. I'm no monk. What if ALL I care about is living and seeing what happens? There's nothing wrong with that, is there?"
= No, there's nothing wrong with that. Again, that's what makes this The Hard Choice. And ONLY WE KNOW, so true, who cares if we don't even "go there" an acknowledge that the Hard Choice exists. But I think we all truly DO know. Maybe some of us only see it in retrospect. The moment where we really could have done not what was easy, but what we ultimately really wanted to do-- to be true to ourselves and what we dreamed of when we were at the dream-stage of life.
Ok, but that brings us to the next nuance:
A Celebrity versus A Hero:
Sometimes the sweet spot gives us what a celebrity gets-- attention, affirmation, a bit of face-time with Greats, time to shine and show our stuff. That's the same as what a hero gets,
"That's awesome. Yep, the cover of 'Us Weekly' versus a character in a biography or classic literature. Great. But WHY DOES THAT HAVE TO BE ME? I don't want to be a hero. I just want to live. Ha. I just want to live my life for me, and hey-- not just for me, I'm not a jerk! :) I want to live for my family, my friends, yes, of course helping people, SURE. I'll give my money, time-- I'll volunteer, but why does that have to imply this HEAVY sacrifice business. I can do my own thing and contribute in my own way without sacrifice."
= Heck yes. Totally feel that perspective. But let's not get off track. We're not talking about being some out-there Platonic hero. We're talking here about making sacrifices for what our true self innately wants. Not the pie-in-the-sky dreams of concentrated imagination, no. But the deep things we care about internally. Making sacrifices so that we really see those things through. Those classic literature characters were motivated out of their own story to do what they did. Stuff that we are wired for or has fallen into our hearts along the way. So, sure. Yep, totally valid. Not making The Hard Choice, STILL LEAVES US with a HELL of a lot of GOOD. Solid GOOD. But the question here isn't black-and-white / good-versus-bad; it's about good versus best or good versus TRUER and more VALUABLE (big picture-wise).
Looping back on track:
Ok. So, say we make The Hard Choice, Choose Side 2 / Tails--
What does that look like?
Illustration: 3 movie scenes >>
When they're volunteering at the leper colony, his friend asks him: "What are you looking at?" and he says "The River." >> the river that separates the sick (lepers) from the well (the nurses/staff). Later on that night, he says: "For my birthday, I want to swim across that river."
When I first saw Motorcycle Diaries, I started to weep from this scene here on out (literally to the end of the movie)... It struck a chord in my DEEPLY. Six months after seeing the movie, I ended up (not because of the movie alone, ha, but nevertheless--) leaving my amazing life (great job, apartment, friends/family) to be a lowest-common-denominator 20-something on a train in Naples, one of the poorest cities in Europe and listen to people's stories for a living (teaching English). Why? Because, if I have the choice in my life, I too want to cross those rivers (seeming divides) and really live in ways that do require sacrifice and giving and lack of comfort.
A plaque over Kevin Kline's History classroom door reads: "I am Shutruk Nahunte, King of Anshand and Susa, Soverign of the land of Elam. I destroyed Sippar, took the steel of naram-Sin, and brought it back to Elam, where I erected it as an offering to my god. Shutruk Nahunte - 1158 B.C."
Kevin Kline tells his class:
Sometimes, we have to be our best friend and drag ourselves up Mount Doom for the sake of things that are bigger at stake.
The hard choice(s) vs. The Hard Choice:
We think the lowercase-hard choice of doing something we fear is The Hard Choice, but
I'll never forget the quote:
"He is no fool who gives the thing that he cannot keep to find what he can never lose." - Jim Elliot
=
("the thing you cannot keep" = temporary joys; "what he can never lose" = lasting expression from deepest self and unique, out-of-your-own-uniqueness, contribution-- in "The Emperor's Club" movie sense...)
On my myspace page (this is TRUE-- wasn't added after this post/thought-processing), under the "about me" section "Heroes", I've had (for a LONG time): "People who give what they could easily keep. People who are what they don't realize."
I guess that's a good summary?
"Giving up what we could easily keep, becoming what we haven't realized yet"...
(the psyc definition of "to realize" is "to bring into reality", ex: "to realize one's potential")...
I'll close not with a toast (a habit of mine :)...) but with lyrics.
The lyrics to, oddly enough, the song that's also on my myspace page at the moment:
"One Voice" by The Wailin' Jennys.
The Story behind the Song:
I first heard this song in Modena, Italy (the northern region of Reggio Emilia) almost exactly one year ago. The end of May 2007. It was my second year living/working in Italy.
I was in a wine bar, and it was about 2:30 am. The night was still young (as it is at that time in Italy) and suddenly this song came on. I didn't hear the words, but I felt the melody/instrumentation deeply (I am a musician and I come from a family of them, so...). I asked the guy at the bar where he got the CD from and he said the giftshop across the Piazza and I should try there the next day.
Well, it was my LAST WEEK in Italy. I was moving back to America. I literally was trying to do what this post has been talking about. I was leaving the sweet spot (a boy, a country, a job, a culture, and a language I loved) for something better (challenge and learning and working towards expression and contribution).
I went to the gift shop that next day, and they didn't have it in stock! (it turned out that the CD was Putamayo's "Women of the World" mix) They literally rush-ordered it for me from Milan and it LITERALLY arrived the DAY I was flying out for New York (where I ended up staying to live!).
The first time I listened to the words of this song for real was when I was on the train. I had put the CD on my iPod. I STARTED TO WEEP. I STARTED TO WEEP. It was MY STORY. The song was about MY CHOICE. It was about MY VOICE and my unique thumbprint and my foodprint that I wanted to leave. IT WAS ABOUT ME.
I love the song cause it's not just about us individually and our individual choices. It's about us on the smaller scale (two-by-two relationships, etc) and the big scale-- our HUMAN STORY and how we're all working towards what Gandi cared about: "Be the change you wish to see in the world"- and then all of us being the change will be a changed world.
With that, I give you "One Voice".
One Voice
by The Wailin' Jennys
This is the sound of one voice
One spirit, one voice
The sound of one who makes a choice
This is the sound of one voice
This is the sound of one voice
This is the sound of voices two
The sound of me singin' with you
Helpin' each other to make it through
This is the sound of voices two
This is the sound of voices two
This is the sound of voices three
Singin' together in harmony
Surrendering to the mystery
This is the sound of voices three
This is the sound of voices three
This is the sound of all of us
Singin' with love and the will to trust
Leave the rest behind, it will turn to dust
This is the sound of all of us
This is the sound of all of us
This is the sound of one voice
One people, one voice
A song for every one of us
This is the sound of one voice
This is the sound of one voice
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posted by )(( hannah mello ))( @ 5:10 PM
1 Comments:
longest blog ever!!! Hello. :)
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