)(( hannah mello ))(

guessing on the topic of growing ---------->

this photo comes from a delphi, greece wall. such natural elements arranged in an unexpected way.

i've been getting up to speed with what america's all about. being away has given me a whole new eye-whole through the door.

not just america is being thought about-- a ton is--


( >> and no... don't think i'm this weighed down woman with thoughts. a little thing about me i'm learning is that i often have NO IDEA that i'm chewing on ten thousand things until i open my mouth in conversation or put hands to keyboard keyes or pen to page.

anyway--

i've been thinking about how our needs change as humans as life stages change. it's an unavoidable reality as i've been moving from teenager >> to college student >> to post-college working girl >> to mid-twenties. it's interesting. i noticed immediately after education stopped that when you're working, at the end of the day, i had a new set of social needs (which vary according to your job mixed with WHO you are personality-wise, of course). for me, it meant making dinner for friends instead of grabbing alone time on a coast-side path. this change made me crave common ground more -- people and times of common interests and hobbies-- since i found myself in a mix of ages, interests, personalities, and life experience-- a mix MUCH BROADER than the college pool.

here i sit on a new crest. mid-twenties. (it's amazing to me how the 20's can be broken up in different phases. SO STRANGE but real. i didn't know it was this way.) i'll be 23 a week from saturday. i feel a new set of realities shifting in-- not like a weather front (cause it's not a surfacy, emotional thing) but more like a foundation (a matrix of priorities, needs, desires) being tetris-ed (like the old-school computer game tetris) into the more broad matrix of the prior.

blockbuster has won my heart 2 years in a row with their 3 for $20 or 4 for $20 deals. i'm overwhelmed with the latest finds. one of which is the older release (maybe 6 years ago) 'stepmom'. (i've always loved ed harris for some reason. have no idea why, but it's true. and of course, susan sarandon is fantastic. the little boy in the film makes me die of complete delight.) i watched it last night. ed harris has a talk with his kids on a boatdock about the complications of adult relationships. my computer's giving me attitude, or i would find it online and post it here.

ed harris' character is in a web of a divorce, children, and a fresh engagement with a woman he is living with during joint custody. the children beautifully-- gushing with the innocence of childlike emotion and heart-- ask him questions about why he divorced their mother and how love works when it comes to marriage. the son asks " is it possible to then 'fall out of love' with children too?" during this scene last night, other real-life scenes came to the screen of my mind. scenes with myself and people i know and love. scenes where suddenly thoughts and words and other forms of articulation bring adult complications to light.

instead of the complications just shifting in and in as adulthood rolls on, there are moments enlightenment. moments where you realize the shift is happening. even if it's just a 0.00007 quake that makes your eyelids lift. i want to be around for those quakes in the shifting of life stage change. not because i want to be overwhelmed with realities, but because i really care about not giving into all that is shifing into my life. there's something to the childlike (not childISH) simplicity of priorities and values that makes people of 'principle' or 'valor' or whatever stand out as being 'focused' or 'driven' or whatever.

i can't put a finger on how that happens or why it's significant-- but i do know that spiritual writers for all of history have penned on the topic-- from a range of religious perspectivies and theologies. i do know that films will never cease to be made about protagonists of such makeup. i do know that my generation is looking under fallen logs for such a sensibility that maybe has been swashed by our big-footed culture.

ok. time's going overboard right now. i'm over and out. :)

ah-- and by the way. i'm on myspace now. my url is www.myspace.com/hannahmello

abbracci e baci. :)

posted by )(( hannah mello ))( @ 2:05 PM