)(( hannah mello ))(

eve of 23

i loved this statue in rome. it was accompanied by one of an old man with another old man, a cripple, piled on his shoulders, stumbling along the path. i think they were in front of a governement building of some kind. just around the corner from piazza venezia and the far view of the colloseum.

i guess the reason i liked the two individually and together was--

individually: they induced opposite thoughts/emotions. the woman induced the thought of brave future outlook. facing the sun and the path ahead. she actually was seated on a globe i think. the old man one induced the thought of the unexpected fragility of life and yet the humor and joy its disillusionment brings with time.

together: they gave me a feeling of being book-ended. you know, those little things that begin and end a bookshelf? keeping the books from falling off? (you know, a friend i was talking to recently DIDN'T KNOW WHAT A BOOKEND WAS! i will keep her name silent, but i was amazed. she was even a literature major!) well, i felt like both ends of emotion-- both extremes were on either side of me, as i stood on that roman sidewalk alone-- my last day in rome.

and here i am in santa cruz! :) alone. the last day of being 22 years old. in 4 minutes, i will emerge into being 23.

i just read some previous posts, and was amazed at some consistent themes. life stages and life stage growth as well as relationships and their unexpectedness... with many moments of life enjoyment and attentive presence (<-- my favorite pastime).

i was excited to reconnect with an old friend via myspace tonight. he commented on my blog about his life story and how he is surprised at how each moment was connected to the ones before and after... how every piece fit together to create a thing of unexpected sense and reason. i LOVED my spirituality professor in college. dr. albrecht. he talked alot about how telling and re-telling your own story helps bring understanding, maturity, and depth. i believe it.

so, tonight, i'm celebrating life. i'm celebrating the beauty that is inbetween the cracks of broken ground. i was instant messaging a friend today who was talking about beauty. i told him that the beauty he saw, experienced, and was describing was filling my heart with hope-- that it still exists and can be known.

every morning, i've been overwhelmed with every typed word in the San Francisco Chronicle and Santa Cruz Sentinel that i read. so many causes for mourning and doubt-- doubt in human virtue and goodness... doubt of beauty's existence. but, i guess somehow, in the course of this day, i have been struck with it's simple indestructibility.

that gives me the strength to celebrate life tonight.

i walked the cliffs of the sea tonight with a 53 year old blind woman (who also has mild cerebral palsy) that i hang out with twice a week. Jenny Dole. she and i leaned against the railing of the cliffside walkway-- listening hard to the sounds of sea lions... african drummers... wave crashes... and sea gull songs. more unexpected moments of listening and giggling together with delight...

yes, the tension exists between life/hope and destruction/disillusionment. so mysterious.

posted by )(( hannah mello ))( @ 11:56 PM